Have faith in me.

It is so hard to convince you.

Don't you believe me?

It's me, little ain~

yours

fiona gondut.

;p

i miss you i feel like crying.

it's me, little ain~

tahniah

atas pertunangan kakak kesayangan harini. 

atas pernikahan raja nisha pada 230112.

it's me, little ain~

Permata Yang Dicari

Hadirnya tanpa kusedari
Menggamit kasih cinta bersemi
Hadir cinta insan padaku ini
Anugerah kurniaan Ilahi

Lembut tutur bicaranya
Menarik hatiku untuk mendekatinya
Kesopanannya memikat di hati
Mendamaikan jiwaku yang resah ini

Ya Allah
Jika dia benar untukku
Dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Jika dia bukan milikku
Damaikanlah hatiku
Dengan ketentuan-Mu

Dialah permata yang dicari
Selama ini baru kutemui
Tapi ku tak pasti rencana Ilahi
Apakah dia kan kumiliki
Tidak sekali dinodai nafsu
Akan kubatasi dengan syariat-Mu
Jika dirinya bukan untukku
Redha hatiku dengan ketentuan-Mu

Ya Allah
Engkaulah tempat kubergantung harapanku
Kuharap diriku sentiasa di bawah rahmat-Mu

*********

to be honest, everytime aku dengar lagu ni, aku rasa sedih. sedih sangat. mungkin lagu ni terlalu bermakna kott. kalo dihayati lirik ni, doa sebenarnya tu. huhu. and aku rasa macam aku takde ape. this song doesn't represent me at all. haha. well, i don't live trying to impress other people other than my abah and ibu. but i know that they have thought me everything about agama, how to cover my aurat, how to make friends with other people, how to respect older people. and i know that i'm trying my best to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, and also most important thing is to be Allah's servant. i know i can never be good enough. i committed sins, then i ask for Allah's forgiveness. thus, i'm giving my best to be everything that i want to be, not what others want me to be. i pray every single day so that God will send me someone who can guide me, lead me the way, and teach me to be a better person in the future. as long as i know what i'm doing, and who i am, then i'm gonna walk along, be confident and be humble. 

ouhh, entry yang takde motif sebenarnya. i'm still not myself. some things that's bothering me these days, that's why. i'm sorry about this. 

it's me, little ain~

sorry.

am not myself since yesterday. 

am not feelin' well. 

it's me, little ain~

remedy

for quite number of reasons, i've been acting the way i'm acting these days. i've been thinking a lot, observe a lot, and found a lot too. for some strange reasons, i think i'll pass about everything when it comes to you, or anything that relates to you. i know, we are not always in our best, are we? i mean, can we? the grass is not greener every where and every day, right?

i don't fancy watching and being in the situation that i am facing now. it makes me wanna puke like hell. it's like, i'm gonna have to seat for my final exam tomorrow first thing in the morning, but i haven't even get the chance to lay my fingers and eyes on the books yet, and the butterflies come crashing inside my belly and they turn all my organs upside down. well you know that feeling? no? seriously no? well, i'm sorry. maybe that's just me feeling that way. hehe. oh God, i'm suck at making jokes in english. haha. ouh please, that was not even a joke. i dont even know what's the relationship between the first line and not being able to read for final exams =.='

well, i gotta go. not wasting my time trying to challenge those spm candidates by writing an essay longer that they can afford to ;p i'm not in a good state but i do write this when i'm truly awake and sane, and maybe due to some imbalanced hormone at the moment. i shall write in my other blog (She Writes) to actually express the thoughts that i've been holding on for quite some time. once i did, everything is going to be okay afterwards. no worries, no offence. 

thanks for calling, last night. i miss you :)

p/s : well, the art of saying things indirectly is not my thing, yet :)

it's me, little ain~

kite kawen, jum?

Rumet : Aku tak caye sume benda dalam dunia ni lasts forever.
Aku : Marriage lasts.
Rumet : Aku tak caye marriage tu lasts.
Aku : Ya Allah. doa ba, doa. Takkan nak sekerat jalan? Aku nak masuk syurga ngan die.

*terdiam*

tiba-tiba teringatkan ini,

Ya Allah, jika benar jodoh aku dengannya, Kau permudahkanlah.

tiba-tiba aku rasa sedih dan takot. what if everything doesn't turn out to be like what i want them to be?

it's me, little ain~

thanks :D

Assalamualaikum :)

Ouhh sangat lama tak menaip sesuatu yang bermanfaat (?) kat cik belog ni. kesian.

this is one quick update i promise. i would like to thank everyone for the wishes and prayer on my birthday, last tuesday. i'm sooo happy and glad receiving those kat wall facebook, handphone, twitter, ym, skype, macam macam. i feel hot! ahahaha gilos. ignore me ;p not only that, i'm happy because me and you (yes, you) dah macam boleh nak start all over again. haaa jangan pikir bukan bukan. what i meant is that, aku dengan dia dah start boleh kawan balek, again after i dont know lah berapa lama dah terputus hubungan persahabatan ni. aku jugak yang terhegeh hegeh nak putus kawan bagai sebenarnye. tahu lah aku ni, angin tak tentu fasal T.T tapi cayo lah cakap den, den ni tak marah lama pon. dah habes sebulan dua marah, sejuklah tu. isk. so, aku consider itu sebagai hadiah untuk hari lahir aku untuk tahun ni. Alhamdulillah :)

apart from that, my many thanks to my lovely ibu for that big square chocolate cake you bought for us, ida, me and abelong. since my sister's birthday was on 7th, mine on 8th, and my eldest brother on 13th, so kira celebrate sekali lahh kan. heee thanks ibu. love you!

then, i bought myself a new handbag. wihuuu! self treat lah katakann. hahaha. actually, i have never ever fancy a handbag before. rasa macam tak perlu je lagi handbag sebab come on, i'm still young. handbag is for orang orang tua. ahahaha. and i seriously don't know what has gotten into me that day, i went to kb mall, window shopping dalam pacific, intai guess yang tengah less tuh, and suddenly the idea crossed my mind, "why not i get myself a handbag? it's my birthday after all'. pastu pegi pilih, tengok mana mana yang berkenan, then tat taraaaa! i got you. hehehe. to be honest, i'm surprised with myself. ain, a handbag? it can't be. fine lah, i used to adore that bonia beg time temankan ibu pegi shopping handbag dia dulu. and it costs RM1k++. so i was like crazeyy for that beg because it's sooo hot. well, it fits the price lah kan. kalah beg ibu. hahaha. but then, since i'm not into handbag yet, some more RM1k (mane nak cekau seribu di tengah alam) so mende tu macam lupa camtu je lah. but this time, it was one drastic decision T____T

not only that (yeahh i know i said this is one quick update. guess i lie ;p), i'm starting to feel like imma need a lipstick! it can't be this serious. but i do. before this, i only used lip gloss, and pakai pon for like once a month =.=' and suddenly i think i should get myself a lipstick. huhu. i know i sound like 16 years old school girl yang baru datang period, baru nak kenal dunia and baru nak upp. ouhh that sounds pathetic! ahahaha. but i do. seriously i do.

what else? herm. oh yaa, today. this evening, i went to al-ikhsan, dengan niat nak temankan the sister cari selipar. masuk je dalam al-ikhsan tu, i tried lah kan selipar-selipar kat situ, takkan nak dudok saje pulak kan. pastu lepas dah cube try test, pegi kaunter, bagi kad, sain slip, and dancing dalam kedai tu =.=" oh my God, beli selipar baru yeayyy! this time, it's an apple green nike. woot woot. sooo happy. alaaa bukan ape, nak gantikan my old purple adidas, dah uzur bebenor keadaan die. ahahaha i know i'm making up excuse, but biar lahh. ahaha. plus, it's wayyy cheaper beli kat al-ikhsan rather than beli kat butik nike, gonna cost me RM109 last time i checked kat alor star. mahal kann? so, better beli kat sini. huhu :D

selipar lama. time ni baru lagi lah. sekarang dah kesian. huhu :D

okeyy, selipar baru tak kisahlahh, everyone pon nak beli selipar baru kan? but lipstick and handbag? ouhhh never cross my mind before. think i'm slowly turning into someone else. i mean, big girl. kott? ahaha. i'm 22 now, and i should act like one. tak boleh dahh nak menggedik tak tentu fasal. boleh, tapi biar la kena pada tempat dan masanya. takkanlahh twenty four seven hours nak menggedik kan? mengade takpe, because it's who i am. ahaha okayy silakan letak baldi tempat korang sume, in case rasa macam nak muntah kann. hehehe :D

orait then, i should go. walhal i was so desperate nak siapkan assignment since i'm going back to uum on saturday. tapi sempat lagi terlayan cik belog. sure lepas ni terus tido. ngantok amatt. satu hari tadi gi jalan jalan with my sisters. so again, my many thanks for each and everyone of you for your sincere wish and pray. i do pray so that God keeps us all healthy and that He will protect us wherever we are.

until next time, good night all :)

love,
ainzulkefli.

Weakest point T.T

"Never get too attached to anyone because attachment leads to expectations, expectations lead to dissapointments'.

- Twitter, I Think That Way.

*********

it's me, little ain~

sekaligus

buat aku menangis dan gelak.

it's me, little ain~

the chase :)

"The person who loves you is not the person who sees you everyday, but the person who looks for you everyday."

- unknown.

just the way you are :)

it's me, littleain~

How friendship breaks?

both friends will think the other is busy.
and will not contact,
thinking maybe it's disturbing.
as time passes,
both will think let the other contact.
after that,
each will think,
why should i start first?
here your love will be converted to hate.
finally without contacts,
the memories become weaker.
and so, they start to forget each other.

**************

i dreamed about you last three nights. i feel bad. i feel like crying. ouh i cried a lot these days, don't know why LOL. rasa macam because you knew me too well and that's why you didn't text me first haha. you knew that i won't start, kan? so, you tortured me by using this way la kan? huhu funny lah. you know how much i actually love you and care for you, kan? but still lah, you take things for granted. huhu tengok tu, aku yang geram, tapi aku salahkan dia pulak. teruk benor perangai. isk isk. habes tu nak buat camane, aku rasa macam ya Allah, beratnya nak mesej dia dulu. walhal pagi tadi baru je dengar ceramah ustazah pasal orang yang menyambung kembali silaturrahim yang terputus. in fact, aku dah tekad nak selalu jadi orang yang menyambung silaturrahim yang terputus tu, dalam usaha untuk menjadi insan yang lebih baik. tapi bila petang je, terus rasa macam grrr. siyes aku rasa macam nak moody je bila baca balek mesej ni pastu tengok balek gamba gamba kita dulu. haha macam ape je kan? wekk! sebelom aku buat perangai pelik pelik tengah bulan posa ni contohnya macam minum air hujan ke, mandi dalam washing machine ke, baik aku update belog kan? isk isk. rasa macam nak tepek je gambar aku ngan kau kat sini, tapi aku tak nak sebab aku rasa macam sangat ego nanti orang tau aku sebenarnya rindu kat kau tapi aku dah pon tulis kat sini, so aku memang sengal kan? hahaha. #kthanxbye.

it's me, little ain~

Cry heh.

"Because what was the point of crying when there was no one to comfort you? And what was worse, when you couldn't even comfort yourself?"

- Cassandra Clare.

it's me, little ain~

fight!

i'm having difficulties to breath.
with every breath i take, i make sound.
my hands tremble for only God knows why.
my whole body shakes as the adrenaline rushes inside.
i can feel my heart pumps the blood and it smashes my chest real hard.
heavy breath, really.
i know i sound like i'm dying.
pathetic sungguh.
i was struggling in front ibu just now.
tried not to shed a single tear in front of her till my lips trembled.
felt like i failed her.
felt like i failed abah.
felt like i failed the whole family.
felt like i've sinned.

dear God,
i'm not finish yet.

it's me, little ain~

asthma

i went to see the doctor today.

doktor cakap aku ade penyakit asthma.

ouhh.

rasa macam nak mati T____T

it's me, little ain~

poghasan me? heh, never!

macam macam lah orang zaman sekarang ni. serius aku tak paham la kan =.="

serius aku tak kesah langsung, you don't have to explain.

i don't need your explanation at all. honestly!

cuma yang penting, it's you who have to change.

be honest with people you make friends with.

don't lie to them. you break their trust each time you lie.

and siriusly, i never poghasan or said that you like me.

heh, never. so please, stop it.

i think this is the end of our so-called friendship.

everything that you said in your letter will not change anything between us.

just so you know, i'm not hurt. seriously.

in fact, i'm glad :)

ps : can't wait to go home next week.

ps : can't wait to see the family, and besties. miss you!

it's me, little ain~

nothingness #3

I believe 'trust' is the best key to a successful long distance relationship.
-ainzulkefli.

it's me, little ain~

father.

Assalamualaikum people.

happy saturday :)

last night i couldn't sleep until two. so i texted fayad about today's plan and she said she has posted something on on my facebook wall. i shut my laptop off last night because i couldn't get any access to the internet. so, i studied until one. then when fayad replied my text, i took my laptop and turned it on. at first, i thought it was serindit that did the 'good job', providing me with the connection that would make my life easier, but it was actually the chrome, the google and everything that gave me problems and headache. so i click on safari and thank God, i could access to the internet happily. and suddenly i found browsing the internet via safari is fun. hahaha kill me.  

so, last night when i logged in to my facebook account, i went facebook walking to some of my favorite friends whom have already started their practicum early this month. then, i saw Ida's status telling that she's worried about her father's condition now. he is admitted to HUKM due to kidney cancer. he had had undergone an operation, and now he's getting fever. this is so sad T_____T 

you know ida, my father has this errr problem with kidney too. but we don't know yet whether it's not that serious or it is. everyday i pray that it's just something minor, nothing that would hurt him and makes him suffer. he used to be admitted to the hospital three times if i'm not mistaken around february and march and it broke my heart to pieces. that time i was in here, uum. i couldn't see him, i couldn't go home because i didn't know about it. he didn't want me to know about this and he asked the family to keep this from me. you know, all i can do is cry and pray soon i knew about this. i always think that my father is my hero, the best father in the world. and he will always be there for me, for us, for the family every time we need him. so he has to be strong, be very healthy so that he would make it for everyone. but i know, that is so selfish of me to think that way, to think that life won't be so cruel and everything would go as perfectly as i planned it to be. i would die if anything happens to my father, seriously. 

so ida, what i want you to do is to be strong, and always pray for him. pray that God will keep your father safe and protect him from suffer and He would kill all the pain away. i know you have just started your practicum training and that would be too much to bear with, depressions and all. but i'm sure, you are a strong girl, you do stuffs that other girl can't do, so you can do this. be strong and keep holding on. i wish you, your family and especially your father, the very best. 

take care, baby! :)

it's me, little ain~

negative

it's a wake up call for me.

thank you for everything you've just said.

thank you for reminding me of who i really am.

just so you know, it hurts.

and you're wrong, totally wrong.

it's me, little ain~